Since posting the Size Queen Manifesto , I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the interest and feedback it received. I heard not only from other large toy lovers, but aspiring size queens and those frustrated by their current upper limit for toy girth. People wanted to know how they could train to accommodate thicker toys. I started thinking of advice I’d like to give them…and lo, this sequel post was born. Here are a few techniques, tricks and tactics from the journey to expand my horizons (so to speak):
1. Choosing the right tool to train – Find dildo or vibrator a quarter to a half inch wider in maximum diameter than the largest toy in your comfort zone. Tapered toys are generally preferable, allowing a gradual, gentle increase in size. A toy with its maximum girth at the head is, for obvious reasons, a bad idea. You want to ease up in size, not take a battering ram to your vagina.
I prefer my largest toys in silicone, as other body-safe materials are harder and less forgiving. Vixskin, Vamp Softskin and Tantus O2 are all great soft options. Bad Dragon and other custom sex toy manufacturers offer a variety of firmness options as well.
2. Make sure you have time to train – Quickies are not recommended with toys that push your girth limits. If you feel rushed, you will become tense and that tension will cause critical muscles to tighten. You might also try to do too much too fast and end up feeling sore. My personal minimum standard is around an hour, your mileage may vary.
3. Heat things up – Before proceeding further, apply a bit of heat to your training toy. I find that a warm toy feels nicer and makes my body more relaxed and receptive. If you’ve got a non-motorized model, soaking it in warm (not hot!) water works beautifully. If you’re using a vibrator or don’t want to go the soaking route, setting your toy on a heating pad or under an electric blanket will add a couple of degrees.
4. Get yourself good and ready – The vagina literally expands when aroused (it’s called tenting), so the more excited you are when you train, the better. Porn is a staple when I play with my bigger toys. If you’re not into porn, go with whatever floats your boat: steamy erotica, sexting/phone sex, mood music, etc. If you like to play with your partner, have them help things along however you see fit. If you’re flying solo, warm up with your trusted favorite toys.
5. Lube, and lots of it – When you feel it’s time to pull out the big guns, don’t be shy with the lube. Slather up so everything is good and slippery, and keep the bottle handy.
6. Proceed with caution – Ease the toy in gently. I realize this is going to sound corny, but taking deep breaths and imagining a flower opening helps me relax to take a larger toy. Use slow, shallow strokes at first to learn your limits. Take breaks, reapply lube and/or switch back to warm up mode as needed. Sometimes you have to take a step back to take steps forward. Above all, stay relaxed and listen to your body.
7. Experiment with positions – There are certain toys that I can enjoy easily facing one way that frustrate the hell out of me rotated 180 degrees. Likewise, there are toys I find better for thrusting and others better for straddling and riding. Sometimes the angle makes all the difference. There have been times when I was ready to give up on a toy only to change the approach slightly and find bliss. Don’t worry about how you think the toy was “meant to be used”…the right way is the one that feels good to you.
8. Know when to walk away – You might try all of the above, but your body and that toy are just not happening today. That’s OK. Repeat after me: That’s OK. Accept it, toss your training toy aside and finish up with your partner or your go-to toy of choice. There’s always tomorrow, or next week or next month if you want to give it another go. It’s not a race, it’s not a competition, it’s about exploring new sensations and having fun.