How To Train Your Vagina

Since posting the Size Queen Manifesto , I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the interest and feedback it received.  I heard not only from other large toy lovers, but aspiring size queens and those frustrated by their current upper limit for toy girth.  People wanted to know how they could train to accommodate thicker toys.  I started thinking of advice I’d like to give them…and lo, this sequel post was born.  Here are a few techniques, tricks and tactics from the journey to expand my horizons (so to speak):

1.  Choosing the right tool to train – Find dildo or vibrator a quarter to a half inch wider in maximum diameter than the largest toy in your comfort zone.  Tapered toys are generally preferable, allowing a gradual, gentle increase in size.  A toy with its maximum girth at the head is, for obvious reasons, a bad idea.  You want to ease up in size, not take a battering ram to your vagina.

Train Your Vagina - Toy battering ram

This is not the answer…

I prefer my largest toys in silicone, as other body-safe materials are harder and less forgiving. Vixskin, Vamp Softskin and Tantus O2 are all great soft options.  Bad Dragon and other custom sex toy manufacturers offer a variety of firmness options as well.

2.  Make sure you have time to train – Quickies are not recommended with toys that push your girth limits.  If you feel rushed, you will become tense and that tension will cause critical muscles to tighten.  You might also try to do too much too fast and end up feeling sore.  My personal minimum standard is around an hour, your mileage may vary.

Train Your Vagina - Hourglass

Time flies when you’re having fun!

3.  Heat things up – Before proceeding further, apply a bit of heat to your training toy.  I find that a warm toy feels nicer and makes my body more relaxed and receptive.  If you’ve got a non-motorized model, soaking it in warm (not hot!)  water works beautifully.  If you’re using a vibrator or don’t want to go the soaking route, setting your toy on a heating pad or under an electric blanket will add a couple of degrees.

4.  Get yourself good and ready – The vagina literally expands when aroused (it’s called tenting), so the more excited you are when you train, the better.  Porn is a staple when I play with my bigger toys.  If you’re not into porn, go with whatever floats your boat: steamy erotica, sexting/phone sex, mood music, etc.  If you like to play with your partner, have them help things along however you see fit.  If you’re flying solo, warm up with your trusted favorite toys.

5.  Lube, and lots of it – When you feel it’s time to pull out the big guns, don’t be shy with the lube.  Slather up so everything is good and slippery, and keep the bottle handy.

Train Your Vagina - Amazon 50 gallon drum of lube

The infamous 55 gallon drum of lube is probably not necessary

6. Proceed with caution – Ease the toy in gently.  I realize this is going to sound corny, but taking deep breaths and imagining a flower opening helps me relax to take a larger toy.  Use slow, shallow strokes at first to learn your limits.  Take breaks, reapply lube and/or switch back to warm up mode as needed.  Sometimes you have to take a step back to take steps forward.  Above all, stay relaxed and listen to your body.

7.  Experiment with positions –  There are certain toys that I can enjoy easily facing one way that frustrate the hell out of me rotated 180 degrees. Likewise, there are toys I find better for thrusting and others better for straddling and riding. Sometimes the angle makes all the difference. There have been times when I was ready to give up on a toy only to change the approach slightly and find bliss. Don’t worry about how you think the toy was “meant to be used”…the right way is the one that feels good to you.

8.  Know when to walk away – You might try all of the above, but your body and that toy are just not happening today.  That’s OK.  Repeat after me: That’s OK.   Accept it, toss your training toy aside and finish up with your partner or your go-to toy of choice.  There’s always tomorrow, or next week or next month if you want to give it another go.  It’s not a race, it’s not a competition, it’s about exploring new sensations and having fun.

  • Camryn
    March 27, 2014

    This is so cool. A lot of this is stuff I do to deal with my vaginismus. I’m way less methodical about increasing my size limits, but I’m going to give it a shot 🙂
    Changing positions? Oh gosh, I’m really bad about that. I find one that works and I don’t really explore past that, so this is a good reminder to switch that up!

    • Lunabelle
      March 28, 2014

      The irony is that this “method” was cobbled together from lots of improvisation over the years. I never set out with a goal of getting to a particular size, it’s more like “that toy looks cool, I wonder if I can manage it”.

  • sheboppin
    March 27, 2014

    great post 🙂
    I would also add that sometimes thinking about relaxing or telling yourself to relax is really UNrelaxing and more stressful than anything else. It can be helpful to make distractions that stimulate your other senses to fit the mood, like listening to music or watching porn or even aromatherapy. I really liked your advice about thinking about a flower blooming!

    • Lunabelle
      March 28, 2014

      LOL… yes, I have anxiety issues so I know how maddening it is when people tell me to relax and expect it to magically happen. I’ve had a lot of practice finding ways to calm myself in different situations. Aromatherapy is a great suggestion… lavender oil is my favorite for relaxation.

  • Marvy Darling
    March 29, 2014

    I love this! I’m currently training my vagina because despite 2 years in the toy reviewing game, I’m still far from able to accommodate toys of a certain girth. 1.5″ diameter is the largest I can deal with right now, and I would love to be able to work my way up to larger toys, like the Tantus Cush. I’m going to share this post on Twitter!

    • Lunabelle
      March 29, 2014

      So glad you found this post helpful! Cush is a good choice for working up to 1.75″ with the soft outer layer and tapered head. I really appreciate the Twitter love too…thanks!

  • AustinFetish
    April 6, 2014

    Hi Lunabelle,
    I think that you’ve given some terrific advice for stretching the vagina to take in larger penises or dildos. I really like that you’ve listed some main things to check for or set up.

    Of the points you’ve listed, toy selection is one of my favorite topics, I think you’ve made a terrific point suggesting that the toy be tapered and have a head that is not challenging which contrasts with the dildos that have a their thickest girths near the tip.

    If I may suggest something additional it is that people should not go too many days without having their next vaginal stretching session if they want their progress to size qeendom to go a little smoother. I think stretching 2 to 3 times a week would be terrific. I’ve seen several posts on various forums suggesting that the extra stretchiness from being penetrated by a large toy just about completely disappears in 2 weeks (for newbies). So, stretching frequently enough is very helpful!

    • Lunabelle
      April 6, 2014

      Hey Austin… great to see that you stopped by! Thanks for adding that point, frequency can be important too. Just like working any other muscles, you’ll want to allow some recovery time but not so much that progress is lost.

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