Once upon a time, there was an ordinary, bored middle-aged woman who was curious about sex toys. Unable to go off on a quest to search for them, she used her computer to travel the mysterious far reaches of the Internet. In this realm, she saw many wondrous and terrible things. She was briefly seduced by the sparkling, candy-bright lure of Jelly Toy Land, but the kindness and wisdom of the Blog Wizards set her on the path to true, body-safe pleasure.
Our heroine had many orgasms, and acquired many beautiful sex toys. She continued to read the scrolls of the Blog Wizards, learning more about the magic of sex toys and her own body. One day, she realized that there were still others like her, people wandering the Internet in search of sex wisdom, and that she wanted to help them as the Blog Wizards had helped her. She studied the Guides of the Wise Epiphora and the Mighty Dangerous Lilly, and armed with this knowledge, she vowed to create a blog of her very own.
Because she lived in a land where discussion of sex was considered shameful, she knew she must practice her blog wizardry in secret. She took the name of Lunabelle, for the moon which lights the world at night, and named her blog after the ninja, master of stealth.
Forgive the melodramatic intro, but I’m really having fun being two people. Nothing livens up an ordinary day like reminding myself I’m secretly a dildo-wielding ninja. Aside from the thrill of having a secret, I feel more confident, more focused, more…me than I have in years. I smile more. I sleep better. I’ve learned a bit about asking for what I want, about taking the good kind of risks, about speaking my mind without fear or shame.
Even when I’m busy being a mild-mannered employee, Lunabelle holds court in the back of my mind, adding her point of view to office events. When my boss tells me about his friend’s awesome blog, Lunabelle laughs and says “Bet it’s nowhere near as much fun as mine!” When the marketing team talks about search engine optimization and getting web traffic, Lunabelle nudges me into inadvertently quoting Epiphora during the meeting.
Of course, this double life is not without its challenges. When I’m on Facebook and see a high school classmate holding up a jelly dildo and grinning, there’s serious internal conflict. I can’t very well launch into a lecture on toxic sex toys under my regular identity, where most of my family and a fair number of my coworkers could see it. And if Lunabelle starts appearing on my friends’ timelines, sooner or later my friends (and/or Facebook’s algorithms) are going to start making connections.
Sometimes, Lunabelle gets riled up when I least expect it. When I’m at the local amusement park with my kids, and one of those awful “pregnancy care centers” is spreading their misinformation and propaganda. Lunabelle wants to jump on a soapbox right there and set people straight about contraceptives and safer sex… but getting thrown out of the park would kind of ruin the day. So when I get home that night, I donate to the wonderful local women’s center, and remind myself that I can do my part to educate people online.
And then there are the opportunities Lunabelle passes up because she can’t help looking and sounding like Everyday Me. I was invited to do a podcast about fantasy toys, a subject near and dear to my heart… but what if someone recognized me? I’m still trying to figure out some way to deal with that, but I’m afraid I’ll have to let it go.
But more often than not, my secret identity is a joy. Checking into a hotel with my Pleasure Purse in hand, smiling with the private knowledge of what my bag and my evening plans hold… yeah, it’s good. Really, really good.