PSA: Regarding Those Funny Looking Dog Toys…

Since joining the blogging community, I’ve read a dozen or more stories of dogs defacing, mutilating or just plain gnawing sex toys to smithereens.  Apparently, silicone is as attractive to dogs as it is to many people.

Sex toys and dogs... sometimes a bad combination.

Sex toys and dogs… sometimes a bad combination.

Lately, however, I’ve been seeing a spate of articles regarding a different dog/sex toy connection. Here’s an example. And another one. And one more for good measure.  While none of these articles advocate re-purposing dog toys as dildos or butt plugs, they do mention how cheap these items are in relation to actual sex toys.  If someone is shy or scared of owning a proper sex toy, or if they are short on cash, they could be “inspired” to pick up one of Fido’s toys for themselves.  Therefore, I feel the need to make the following public service announcement:

Dear People of the Internet, please, for the sake of all that is good and bright in this world, do not put dog toys into your orifices.   Even if they look like this…

Screenshot (11)

Or this…

Screenshot (12)

Or this…

Humunga Tongue

Or even this.

Dogstik

We bloggers talk a whole lot about safe sex toy materials. The materials in this category include platinum cure silicone, ABS plastic, glass (borosilicate or soda lime), stainless steel, ceramic, aluminum and properly finished wood. These materials are non-porous so they won’t harbor bacteria, are able to be sterilized (using 10% bleach solution or by boiling) and most importantly, they will not emit toxic chemicals that can cause irritation, burning and heaven knows what kind of longer term effects. While the exact materials of these toys are not clearly spelled out, they are most assuredly not on the body safe list. Just because they are considered safe for Rover to chew does not make them safe for use as sex toys.

Aside from the porosity/toxicity question, there’s the matter of design. Sex toys made for anal sex have a wide, flared base to keep the vacuum-like action of the rectum from swallowing the entire toy. Using any object without a flared base (like the Dogstik above) as an anal toy will most likely end up with you in the ER, trying to sound believable as you tell the doctor that you accidentally sat on the dog’s toy while not wearing pants. Any possible embarrassment about buying a butt plug pales in comparison to that possibility.

What if you’re contemplating dog toys because of the lower price?  Think about what an ER visit for a toy-ectomy or a chemically burned orifice would cost.  Save up until you can buy a quality sex toy, designed for that use and made of safe materials.  You can get quality dildos for $30-$40 if you shop around and watch for sales.  Online toy sellers frequently have sales or discount offers.  Sign up for their emails so you’ll always have the latest information.

And finally, discretion.  Online sex toy sales have made it easy to shop without the fear of being seen by someone you know.  Reputable vendors will have discreet cover names that appear on your credit card statement.  Still worried?  Put some cash in a PayPal account.  Most shops take PayPal, and by using account money, you avoid a credit card transaction.  Reputable sites also state clearly that your order will be shipped in plain packaging with no outward indication of the box’s contents and origin.  What sites do I trust?  Take a look at my sidebar.  Good Vibrations, Tantus and Shevibe all ship discreetly… and happen to offer great sales from time to time as well.  They are also committed to selling body safe toys… no mystery materials here.

So the short version of the story?  Dog toys are like dog food.  Some varieties may look like they’re up to human standards, but you’re best off not putting them inside you.

 

2 Comments
  • dizzygirl
    July 21, 2014

    Wow. Uhm… I didn’t even know this was a thing.

  • Camryn
    August 7, 2014

    I’m sad that this is a thing, but I understand the appeal when I see the prices. This is one of the main reasons I praise Tantus’s closeout & Grab Bag sections, because new buyers are leery of the higher prices for body safe toys.

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