A Dildo I Can’t Handle

I never thought this day would come, but I have finally found a dildo that is just too much for me.  Not from a size perspective, I just can’t bring myself to think about using this thing.

If you’re familiar with my large and eccentric dildo collection, you might be surprised to learn that my nemesis is a relatively ordinary sized, human penis-shaped toy.  What could be so bad, you might wonder.  And so I present to you the most terrifying sex toy I have ever seen.  Or more accurately, the most terrifying body safe sex toy I have ever seen.  Jelly horrors and clay/wax/driftwood dildos on Etsy are a completely different category… those things shouldn’t go in ANYONE’S body EVER.

Halloween dildo with spiders in it

As an arachnophobe, this creeps me out on a very deep level.  Yes, I know they’re not real spiders.  Doesn’t matter.  I screamed my face off when my co-workers put a giant stuffed spider on my chair, and that thing was also quite obviously fake.  I’m wired to freak out at the sight of spiders, real or simulated.  There is no way on this planet that a dildo full of spiders is ever getting near my vagina.

But it occurred to me that as horrifying as I find this toy, the idea of suspending objects in a translucent dildo is super cool.  And I’m willing to bet that for somebody out there, this toy elicits a great big “YES” rather than a desire to run away shrieking in terror.  So in the interest of promoting sex toy awesomeness (even when it isn’t my particular flavor of awesome), I decided to write this post.  I started this blog in part to promote unique sex toys and help people find unconventional/quirky designs that suit their tastes, and I’m sticking to that plan.  So if you’ve been searching for a spidery Hallo-wiener, the Godemiche Adam Halloween could be for you!

 

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