Dildo Weigh-In: Stats, Strategy and 5 Very Important Dildos

The giveaway is over, so now it’s time to reveal some answers about The Great Dildo Weigh-In.  Let’s start with the basics:

  • Total dildo weight: 277.34 pounds
  • Total dildos pictured: 251
  • Average weight per dildo: 1.105 pounds
  • Number of people involved in this project: 2
  • Swear words uttered while moving/arranging/weighing dildos: Too many to count
  • Weight of the Tantus dildos: 21.38 pounds (7.7% of total collection weight)
  • Weight of the heaviest dildo: 4 pounds, 14.2 ounces (Bad Dragon – Large Flint)

It took the better part of a day to pull everything out, arrange it, take pictures, weigh the entire collection, weigh toys for the subcategories, count toys and put them away again. 1  As mentioned in my blogiversary post, a simple handheld luggage scale was used to weigh the toys in batches…thirteen of them, to be precise.  Toys were tossed into a large canvas tote bag and weighed, then the weight of the bag itself was subtracted from each batch.

How Did The Weigh-In Guesses Break Down?

The guesses were all over the place, beyond what I had imagined possible.  I’m assuming the extreme low guesses (anything under five pounds) stemmed from either reading comprehension failure, or inability to view the photo.  The lowest guess of 5.5 ounces baffles me.  There is no way on Earth that this many dildos could weigh 5.5 ounces.  Even on the moon, they’d weigh 46 pounds.  They’d weigh 18 pounds on Pluto, for crying out loud.  Even if they were made of marshmallow or styrofoam or feathers, 5.5 ounces is not happening.

On the other end of the weigh-in guess spectrum were folks who overestimated.  Eight people made guesses of over 500 pounds.  The highest guess was 24,000…or 12 tons.  Keeping in mind that these dildos are situated on an ordinary, built for human use couch, that seems excessive.  Even if I give this person the benefit of the doubt an assume they meant ounces, that’s still 1,500 pounds.   It was not an easy task to set this up with 277 pounds of dildos.  I’d need more than one assistant (and maybe a forklift) to take on that challenge!

Screenshot (20)

I wanted to test the “wisdom of the crowd” theory of guessing, the idea that while individual guesses may be wildly off, the crowd on average will get close.  The overall average without any adjustment came to 425.6 pounds.  If I convert the unlabeled guess of 24,000 to ounces, that brings the average guess to 207.2 pounds.  It’s off a bit, but within the realm of reason.

Out of 104 guesses, 75 were under the actual weight.  I believe that’s primarily due to two factors:

  • My rules stipulated the winner would be the closest guest without going over, so folks doubt hedged low.
  • Those not familiar with my tastes might have based their guess on fairly standard size sex toys (6-8 inches long, 1.25-1.75 inches in diameter).  My collection, as one follower aptly put it, “skews large”.

Silicone Strategy Wins!

The winner of the weigh-in contest used her silicone sleuthing skills to claim the prize.  Maya (who also happens to be a blogger and know a thing or two about sex toys) started by hitting up my collection page.  While it’s not a complete account of all the toys I own, it seems to have helped.  She then narrowed that list down to silicone toys, and put it in a spreadsheet, adding actual weights for as many toys as she could.  Formulas were used to estimate the balance of unknown/unlisted toys.  She arrived at a guess of 269.18 pounds…within 3% of the actual weight.  Impressive!

Very Important Dildos

One reader asked which dildos are my favorites.  That’s an almost impossible call to make.  My collection varies so widely in shape, size, texture and firmness that it’s hard to draw comparisons.  What I like best depends on the kind of stimulation I’m after at the moment.  Instead of trying to label my favorites, I’m sharing some of the keystones of my collection.  These are toys that, in one way or another, profoundly influenced my collecting and blogging experience.  They’re dildos with a history.

Vixen Creations Leo

Vixen Creations Leo was my very first silicone dildo.  I have it in a limited edition silver glitter version (sadly, no longer available), and it was a truly spectacular way to start off my silicone experience.  It was significantly more expensive than the PVC and jelly I’d tried before, but I decided to splurge as a birthday treat.  It quickly became a favorite, for its appearance, shape and lack of godawful chemical smell.  Leo showed me the beauty of body-safe sex toys and I never looked back.

BFU - Vixen Leo

Tantus Anaconda

Next up is the dildo that introduced me to girth appreciation: Tantus Anaconda.  It’s diameter (1.75 inches) is nowhere near some of the behemoths in my current collection but when it arrived, it was the undisputed King of Girth.  I was tempted by the thick, solid look of it and a few very positive reviews on the site where I found it.  Once I tried it out, the search was on for more girthy silicone, and a size queen was born.

Weigh-In Anaconda

Damn Average Longstang

This was the very first sex toy I purchased on Etsy.  I’d heard about Damn Average from other fantasy toy fans, and decided to give the shop a try.  Working with Sheep was wonderful, I liked the personal, artisanal approach to dildocraft.  And the design of this toy turned out to be pretty magical for me.  Success with the Longstang led me to explore other Etsy shops…and eventually, led me to write the Etsy Sex Toy Guide.

Weigh-In Longstang

Pedro the Cactus

I have accepted that I will never write a review more popular than good old Pedro.  I just don’t think it’s possible to top writing about sticking a silicone cactus in my vagina. 2  This is the toy that helped make quirky, weird and unconventional my brand.  And if you tally up comments on my collection photos through the years, I’m certain that “OMG is that a cactus???” and variations on that theme are firmly in the #1 spot 3  So thank you, Primal Hardwere, for creating this masterpiece of silliness in silicone.

Weigh-In Pedro

Rainbow Chance

This retina-searing hunk of silicone made an impression on my first trip to Woodhull, when Reenie pulled it out of my suitcase.  It also sparked what may have been my first public, large group conversation about being a size queen, in the safe and welcoming company of the Blog Squad.  Of course, it made the journey back to the Sexual Freedom Summit in 2016, serving as a mascot of sorts.  I carried it at the SheVibe pajama party, declaring it my teddy bear.  I danced while helicoptering it over my head, thrust it into the air while declaring that I was living my best life.  It’s outrageous and shameless and will forever remind me of the unabashed, unrestrained joy of Woodhull.

Weigh-In Chance

There are more toy tales I could tell, of course, but I’ll save them for a future post.  If there’s a story you’d like to hear, or you have questions about a particular item in my collection, feel free to leave them in the comments!

  1. Though there may have been a break for purely recreational activities…all work and no play makes a sad ninja!
  2.  Though I do have a crocodile head dildo on the way…that might raise some eyebrows.
  3. Followed by the ridiculous “What do you do with that many sex toys?”  Um, they’re sex toys.  TAKE A WILD GUESS.

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