Why do I love Funkit Toys? It might be that they look different from any other silicone toy on the market, clear with swirls and bursts of color.1 Maybe it’s the irreverently tilted “n” in their logo, or the fact that the owner/artist refers to himself as “Lead Fucksmith”. I know I love the refreshing gender-neutrality and inclusiveness of the shop, and the focus on creating safe toys that are fun for everyone.
But my very favorite thing about Funkit is the creativity and cleverness of the designs. Many toys feature suction cups, not just for mounting but for linking toys together. So your dildo of choice can become the handle for a paddle or flogger, or link up with another insertable to make it a double. Funkit Toys are modular and adaptable, and the possibilities expand with each addition to the lineup.
As if that weren’t enough, the suction cup is no ordinary suction cup! On many models, it folds up to become an ergonomic grip, or a flared base that nestles perfectly between your cheeks. It’s a feature that’s simple and absolutely brilliant.
In this review, I’ll be telling you about three of Funkit’s finest: the Swat, Swell and Rhino MKII. Or as I like to call them…THE SWAT TEAM!2 My set is color coordinated in “Sex Geeky” purple and teal.
First up is the key member of our team, the Swat. Swat is a paddle with a suction cup for attaching the dildo (or plug) handle of your choice. While the bond is stronger when linked up with another Funkit suction cup, I’ve found that it can work with some firm, flat based dildos as well.
Swat is honeycomb textured on one side, smooth on the other. There’s also a smooth edge and a ridged one, so there are lots of different sensations to play with here. From soft strokes to solid smacks, the Swat has you covered.
Being relatively small and light (just under 6 by 2.5 inches), the Swat isn’t a thuddy toy. It delivers more sting, definitely devilish but not as mean as the Tantus Pelt (probably the gold standard of evil silicone paddles). My testing partner had a great deal of fun seeing if I could tell whether I’d just been spanked with the textured or the smooth side. There is, in fact a noticeable difference…I think the smooth side stings more. The serrated edge and textured side are excellent when teasingly rubbed against my vulva in between spankings.
Next up we have the Swell, an appropriately named dildo with a well-placed bulge on its underside. At just under 5.5 inches long, it makes a well-proportioned handle for the Swat. But the fun doesn’t stop there!
The Swell is a neat little toy, whether attached to the Swat, stuck to the shower wall or just held on its own. While I’m known for being a size queen, I do enjoy the Swell. Its firmness, combined with the strong coronal ridge and G-spot friendly curved underside make it work for me. When it’s acting as a handle for the Swat, I like it even more. There’s something magical about getting pleasure from the same implement that’s dishing out pain, especially when I don’t know which is coming next.
Should you wish to use Swell as an anal toy, the suction cup acts as a flared base to keep things safe. It also folds lengthwise to fit snugly and comfortably.
The Rhino, as the name implies, is thick and sturdy. It measures 2 inches by 4 inches, and is adorned with four of the most magnificent ridges ever to grace a sex toy.
This is my preferred handle for the Swat because of its innate ability to massage my G-spot into a (literal) puddle. My testing partner enjoys using it on me in slow motion so I’m anticipating the pop of each ridge.3 It’s also something of a tease because I’m always wishing it could go just a little deeper, fill me up a little more. If there were to be a longer Rhino one day, I would be first in line to order one.
The Rhino also has a suction cup base, but there isn’t much difference between the diameter of the shaft and the diameter of the base. It shouldn’t be used anally unless it’s attached to a mount or another toy.
The Swat Team is an awesome trio of toys, and I’m looking forward to adding more pieces to this ensemble in the future. If you want to get your hands on some Funkit fucksquiggles4, head on over to their website or check out Shevibe’s selection of pre-made items.
I received the Swat and Swell free of charge from Funkit Toys in exchange for my honest review.