It’s been pretty quiet around the blog of late, and it’s not just the usual ninja sneakiness. I assure you that it wasn’t a lack of desire to write, or that my enthusiasm for blogging is waning. But personal matters took over, in the way that they do for most folks now and then.
The whole story is long, much longer and more complex than I’m ready to get into tonight. But the short version is that my marriage had been a mess for a long time, and I’ve spent the last few months doing what I need to do about that. Getting advice from therapists, friends, family and my attorney. Financial planning, finding a new home, figuring out how to help the kids through the transition. Discreetly moving a metric fucktonne of dildos like a ninja boss. Assembling what felt like all the furniture in the universe.
I’d promise myself at least once a week that I would make time to write. And then the time would come, and there would be something else I needed to get done, or I’d be too emotionally exhausted to form words. I’d stare at a blank screen. Type a sentence, delete it, type something else, decide it was all crap and stop.
I was sure that going to Woodhull would re-energize me, and it did. Seeing so many of my blogger friends and meeting even more…it was amazing. There was laughter and outraged ranting (looking at you, Screaming O), the formation of a new motivational belief system and more. I got up on stage at Bedpost Confessions and showed off my massive Exotic-Erotics corn dildo.
We set up a Twitter account for Crista’s clit. Misfit Toys were re-homed. We witnessed the magical chemistry and silliness of The Dildorks live. I got publicly spanked for the first time (thanks, Taylor!) and did some more private exploration of BDSM as well. I couldn’t wait to tell the world…but the energy dissipated as soon as I set foot in the house.
I finally gave myself permission to not write, because I didn’t want a thing I loved to feel like a painful obligation. I threw myself into work and planning, and hoped inspiration would return when I got settled in my new home. And happily, here it is!
So what does the future hold? My long-awaited review of Teddy Love, for one thing. Mini reviews of assorted non-sexual silicone items for “squishing off“. Reviews of the new Je Joue G-spot bullet and Doxy Number Three (a.k.a. the “Doxy Smol”). A little insight into how one deals with hundreds of sex toys when moving to s smaller home, perhaps. And when I’m ready, a look into what exactly was going on in my home life before. If you’ve been following my tweets over the last few weeks, you have probably spotted some heavier topics (emotional abuse, gaslighting, manipulation) among the usual dildos and mirth, and that’s not a coincidence. There’s a bit of a dark side to my ninja backstory, and I need to get that out into the world.
I thank you with all my heart for not giving up on me, and promise I have lots to say now that my words are back. I extend an extra special thank you to those who have helped me out behind the scenes, the folks who let me cry and vent and talked me out of various anxiety spirals. You are the support group in my pocket, and the reason I yell at people who say that online friendships “aren’t real”.