Moving Sex Toys – Getting My Dicks In A Row

I finally got the last of the dildos out of my storage unit.  Now there’s a sentence you don’t read every day.  But then again, it’s not every day that a sex blogger has to relocate their extensive (and heavy) collection of sex toys.  Moving is generally a time-consuming, difficult endeavor but in my case, there were some unique challenges.

Moving All Those Sex Toys?  But HOW???

Challenge #1: Most of my moving help was coming from family.  The thought of a box of fantasy toys tipping over and disgorging its colorful contents in the back of my dad’s SUV is the stuff of nightmares.  Likewise, I lost sleep over the (very real) possibility of my mother getting curious about why those boxes weighed so much.  Not to mention the chance of the kids popping open the wrong box while unpacking.  I’m good at stealth storage, but moving is another level of ninja skills.

Rather than risking scenarios like those, I chose to rent a small storage unit for a few months.  Since mine was a short distance move, my sex toys could be stashed there and easily brought in later.  So that’s where 5 large plastic totes full of silicone dildos (and a smaller one full of vibrators) stayed until I was settled in and figured out where to store my collection.  I consider that to be money well-spent, giving me peace of mind at a chaotic time.  It also gave me a place to put other items that I needed to take, but that weren’t high priority.  Like off-season clothes, high school yearbooks, a didgeridoo…you know, ordinary stuff like that.

Now Where To Put Everything?

Challenge #2: I was moving to a smaller house.  Much smaller.  No more walk-in closet to act as my Dildo Fortress.  No more huge basement to conveniently store lots of boxes.  I wanted to keep a significant portion of my toys close and accessible, yet also not have my room look like a warehouse.  What’s a ninja blogger to do?

Upon studying my options, I realized that under the bed was probably my biggest storage opportunity.  To fully capitalize on that, I bought a stainless steel platform bed frame.  I have just over 13 inches of clearance under there, so even the big plastic trunk I hauled to Woodhull works.  And combined with an extra long bed skirt, it looks neat and discreet.

As an bonus, I get to sleep on top of my hoard like a happy dildo dragon.  Look at some of what’s hiding under there!1

Also under the bed: My sex toy travel bag (for grab and go favorites), a toolbox full of impact toys, a vintage train case stuffed with vibrators, a briefcase that protects my precious glass dildos and a box containing my blog documents, business cards, etc.  There’s actually a little space left too, in case of new acquisitions.

Finding myself with a bed whose surface is 37 inches off the floor meant that no ordinary nightstand would do.  After scouring the internet for options, I found an amazing solution: the Ikea Alex 9 Drawer Chest.

Marketed as an art supply storage unit, the Alex offers plenty of drawers for bedside necessities like lube, safer sex supplies, towels, vibrators and chargers.  It’s tall, sturdy and looks nice besides.  With a few discreet holes drilled in the back, I can run charger cords behind drawers to create a neat, streamlined power station.  It’s become a wish list item among the Blog Squad!

Of course, fitting everything in the bedroom wasn’t possible.  There are still three boxes of less frequently used sex toys stashed in the garage (Teddy Love has been banished there) because my basement is…unpleasant.  But all in all, I feel like I’ve found creative and attractive ways to manage my collection.  I’d say things are actually more readily accessible and better organized.

Post-Moving Reflections

One extremely awesome side effect of having full design control over my room is that this space feels like it is truly mine.  The colors, the art, the arrangement, the overall feel…it’s all me.  I didn’t know how badly I needed that particular bit of freedom in order to heal after leaving my emotionally abusive relationship.  Having a place to be my authentic self every day means the world to me, being able to make personal decisions without fear of judgment is incredibly liberating.

And as I spend more time being really me, my authentic self is making more appearances in public life.  I’ve added stickers expressing my political opinions to my car.  I’ve discovered a couple of local friends have an interest in sex toys and I’ve been sharing my knowledge (though not yet my blogger identity). My fun, funky “Luna” clothes are getting worn more regularly.  Coming out of the closet, one might say…if one were trying to make a subtle reference that probably needs its own post at some point.  While my new life is definitely a work in progress, I like the way it’s shaping up so far.

If you enjoyed this post about moving and sex toys, check out my fellow bloggers on the move: Formidable Femme and Girly Juice.


  1. As an important side note, it is ABSOLUTELY FINE to store silicone toys touching each other.  If you own toys from reputable manufacturers, and are confident that they are truly silicone, go ahead and stack ’em like Lincoln Logs.
1 Comment
  • cc
    November 18, 2017

    omg, that beaded rainbow-y dildo in the second pic: where is it from? it’s amazing!

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